p6. i did it.

It was one of those moments. You know them, right? Those milliseconds life gives you to decide who you are and what you’re made of:

No one had shown me how to do a plank before. Back then, I was still blind to the transformative power of internet self-education, so naturally, I felt helpless as my physical therapist laughed at my first attempt.

“I thought you’d be stronger than this. Can you even do 10 seconds?” she asked as I shook. I flopped to the ground at 7.

“Hm. Okay, we’ll work up to that. You’ll never be a long-distance runner, and I recommend you quit crew. The way your back is curved, your core just isn’t strong enough to maintain proper form.” Damn scoliosis...

It was one of those moments.

Helplessness didn’t feel good.

I didn’t quit crew.

In 2013, I ran a 5K.

In 2016, I started doing free online yoga for 20 minutes every night before bed.

In 2018, I ran a 10K.

Today (August 22, 2020), I ran a half-marathon.

13.1 miles. 2 hours, 5 minutes. 9:30 min/mile average pace.

I did it. I ran a long distance, ya’ll.

Looking back, I’m kinda shocked. I never anticipated I’d run a half-marathon. It wasn’t on my bucket list. I could be jumping up and down and freaking out, I guess, but I’m not… Instead, I’m realizing:

1. I have what I need to do things I want to do.

2. And I want what feels good.

Honestly, for me, training to run 13.1 miles doesn’t feel as good as running between 2-5 miles 4 times a week, and going on long walks a lot. But showing myself that I’m capable of doing things I fear (or things others have defined as out of my reach) by just doing them...that feels really good. I’m glad I ran today.

My sister and I came to a striking conclusion last week:

The best way to start believing something new is to just behave differently.

I’m all for therapy, but maybe this time, instead of thought-journaling your procrastinating behind through this one, just start doing the thing you want to do. Act differently.

Trust me - it feels so good. But don’t take my word for it - try it for yourself.

If you’re a procedural person, sometimes steps help.

With each of my races (and other big life decisions, actually), here’s what’s happened:

1. People invited me into something with them.

   1. Community matters. We know this.

2. I decided I could.

   1. Self-efficacy matters, too. Look it up.

3. I made a training plan.

   1. Goal-setting is one of the most effective motivation tools out there.

4. I followed the plan.

   1. Baby steps of new actions build momentum. Every step helps you believe, and keep believing, something new.

5. I recovered when I needed to, regardless of what the chart said.

   1. Learn how to listen to what you need and find resources to meet those needs. Don’t let other people tell you what you need. They aren’t you.

6. I ran the race.

   1. Become.

Millisecond moments.

"Though they be but little, they be fierce."

NOTE:

I know some of you are asking - how does privilege and systemic inequality play into such untamed freedom?

Thanks - this is critical.

Stay tuned for post #7.