A sound body lends itself to a sound mind. As you're refueling today, is your body stuck in autopilot? Using food as a metaphor, today I explore the power of choice in helping us steer our lives in the direction we want them to go.
*Please* note: I write these posts from a knowingly privileged perspective. While some folks lost jobs this week and are struggling to figure out where their next meals will come from, I comment on my food intolerances. While eating may be my choice, it is not for many Americans. I’m humbled by the privilege of my story. It is my hope that this reflection instills in each of us the question, “What power do I have, and what will I choose to do with it?” Each of us faces different challenges, demands, and choices today. It is humbling to admit that we each can only be where we are today. This is a slice of my story. I’m grateful more is yet to come.
I was 22. I’d been blessed with a solid education, a well-paying job, and a safe home in Chicago. Yet, I wasn’t well.
“If it hurts you, don’t eat it.”
I’ll never forget those words--it was the first time I’d heard them.
“You don’t have to have stomach aches all the time. This is your choice.”
His voice was firm while my body crumpled on the couch. My hands were gripping my gut again.
“No, it’s not!” I retorted. “Think of all the food I’d give up and the people I’d reject. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be that girl. I can’t NOT eat dairy.”
“Actually, you can. Just don’t eat it. Eating is always your choice.”
My choice. I’d always longed to be decisive. As enticing as it was though, choice’s power scared me. The thought of choosing made me feel guilty, like I was breaking the rules and taking up space that was reserved for other people. Ironically, while I watched others actively choose things, I felt envious of their authority, wishing I could have some too, yet I resolutely believed I wasn’t allowed to have more.
Choosing new things also meant voluntarily entering unknown territory. For most of my life, I was convinced this was crazy. Why stray off the beaten trail? Out there, I couldn’t possibly know the rules or how to follow them. It was much safer to successfully (mindlessly) chart the course I’d been shown.
My relationship with food was just a reflection of how I was handling everything else in my life: on autopilot. I studied at the school my mentors told me to attend, dated the man who asked me out, and lived in his city because he did. I took the first job that came my way, said the things I’d been taught to say, and always finished the food on my plate. Because I wasn’t choosing anything else in life, I couldn’t see how I was choosing food either.
But steering is where the joy is. It’s where wellness lies. And we find it choice, by choice, by choice.
During that conversation on the couch though, something in my gut shifted (or perhaps it was just the ice cream...). “Eating is always your choice.” My body had repeatedly requested a dairy-free diet, but I wasn’t choosing one because I wasn’t listening. I didn’t know it then, but when you don’t listen, you can’t choose. The two are inextricably linked. By 2015, I’d entered the cockpit though, and over the next year, my hand got closer and closer to the autopilot switch. Finally in 2016, I turned it off.
My next few years of choosing closely resembled the defiant swings of the two-year-old I used to nanny. In time, though, my steering skills improved, and as they did, I learned that steering--the art of listening and responding--is the sweet spot we're all longing for. Steering is the point. Living on autopilot kind of defeats the purpose.
That’s the thing about the autopilot life: you have no idea how to actually use all the levers and switches available to you. All you know is one switch that tells you to clean your plate, follow the rules, increase your wealth, submit to authority, and do things the way you've always done them. But steering is where the joy is. That's where wellness lies. And we find it choice, by choice, by choice.
For me, food remains a metaphor, a daily “you are here” thumbtack. As I’ve started listening to my body, this practice has catalyzed bigger life choices like what systems I’d like to participate in, what people groups I’d like to serve, what friends I’d like to have, and what roles in society I’d like to pursue. When I eat, I’m learning to ask, “As I take in this energy, how will I choose to use it?”
When I eat, I’m learning to ask, “As I take in this energy, how will I choose to use it?”
Turns out in crisis, knowing about those levers and knobs proves tremendously helpful, doesn’t it? Some of us last week may have been taking a quick nap on autopilot only to wake up to a malfunctioning switch, a tanking plane, and very little experience with the massive control panel in front of us. If that’s you, feeling a bit uncomfortable with how many of your own faculties and potential you have not yet explored, know that you are not alone. We are all practicing together. The good news is, it’s never too late to take a seat and start learning.
Our world’s current state begs us each to listen and respond. While some of us may sit at home, bracing ourselves for the chaos to pass, most are forced to confront current global tragedies. In addition to the societal devastation brought on by the coronavirus particularly in nations like China, Italy, Iran, Spain and South Korea, a global recession seems almost inevitable. Close to home, a recent NPR poll revealed that 1 in 5 Americans households have lost work because of the COVID-19 outbreak. While workers at bars, hotels, airlines, restaurants, and those in the arts have been hit the hardest, scholars expect all industries will be affected. Further away, smaller nations’ markets like the Philippines, Indonesia, and Malaysia will inevitably face even more downturn as a result of the economic “implosion” (as a recent New York Times article called it). While it is easy for us (the stable, stay-home folks) to become easily overwhelmed, longing for autopilot, wellness will not meet us there.
And so, as we sit down at our kitchen tables today to receive the food we are so blessed to have, may we start with a few long, deep breaths, choose to flip that switch, and practice steering. How might we respond to the wellness that awaits?
Be well, my friends.